Of course you trust your guy! He’d never cheat. Or would he? Men give off signals that they’ll be unfaithful, relationship experts say. Find out the top 15 clues that your guy will cheat on you…
Recent studies reveal that 50%-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (about 45%-55% of married women cheat).
For starters, there are the classic signs:
- A sudden drop off in sex
- Cash withdrawals or credit card charges you can’t account for
- Working late a lot
- New attention to his looks and wardrobe
- An eagerness to run errands that get him out of the house for hours
So how do you know if he’s likely to step out on you? Read on for cheating tip-offs in a man’s personality, background and behavior.
1. S/HE IS INCREASINGLY ACTIVE ONLINE
10% of affairs begin on the internet. 40% of online flings turn physical. We all love connecting with others on social media. But a cheater can easily use an online account to strike up a flirty conversation with someone outside their relationship.
Over time, friendly messaging turns into a real life attachment. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy to hide an internet affair.
2. S/HE HAS MYSTERIOUSLY BECOME A WORKAHOLIC
Staying late at work? Getting too excited over those boring business trips? Your partner might not be telling the whole truth. 36% of men and women have admitted to having an affair with a coworker.
The workplace has its own social ecosystem, separate from significant others. It’s a breeding ground for flirtations that can turn into something more serious.
3. S/HE HAS CHEATED BEFORE
As the saying goes, old habits die hard. Former cheaters are 350% more likely to cheat again than people who have never cheated.
If you know that your current partner cheated on his/her former partner, proceed with caution. It can be hard to reform when you’ve gotten away with an affair once before.
4. S/HE IS AN EFFORTLESS LIAR
Some people lie so smoothly, they can convince you that anything is true. They seem completely unfazed when they get caught in a lie.
Pay attention to these signs. Even if the lies you catch are insignificant, your partner’s skillful fibbing indicates that they’re not afraid to look you in your eyes and tell an untruth. S/he likely does not feel guilty about lying and would not feel bad about having an affair.
5. HIS/HER PARENTS CHEATED
As a kid, your parents are your first template for how relationships should work. If one or both of your S.O.’s parents were constantly unfaithful, s/he may have absorbed that “lesson” at an early age.
New York City therapist Gilda Carle, Ph.D. describes this as “mirroring” the behavior of your first role models. It can be hard to break a cycle that was ever-present in your upbringing.
6. S/HE IS VULNERABLE
Maybe your partner just got fired or took a pay cut at work. Maybe they are self-conscious about their body, or frustrated about something else that’s going on in their life.
Periods of low self-esteem can lead to infidelity. When we’re feeling down, we want to be validated. We want to feel worthy. Often that quest for “validation” manifests in an affair.
Of course, your partner experiencing a rough patch does not necessarily mean you’re being cheated on. It’s important to attend to his/her emotional needs during a vulnerable time.
7. S/HE IS VIGILANT TOWARDS YOU
Suddenly your partner is very concerned with your schedule. S/he is always asking when exactly you’ll be home from work. In an act of projection, s/he might even start accusing you of unfaithfulness.
Your S.O. keeps tabs on you and is careful not to let you near their cell phone and/or personal computer. This is a red flag that your partner is hiding something.
None of these red flags are a 100% correct indicator that your partner is cheating on you. You should be certain before you make any accusations. But if the above issues persist, you might want to dig a little deeper. These days, it’s easier than ever to step out on your relationship. Apps allow people to hide incoming texts and calls. Websites facilitate secret romantic arrangements.
You deserve to be with someone you can trust. And once destroyed, that trust is difficult to rebuild. Unfortunately, infidelity infects romantic relationships of every type. Although you shouldn’t be paranoid, you should not assume it could never happen to you. Do your part to carry on an open, honest, and loving relationship with your partner. Don’t be shy about confronting them with your emotional needs. And remember, it is never your fault if you get cheated on.
8. He had doubts about moving in or getting married.
This is a biggie, says Maria Bustillos, author of Act Like a Gentleman, Think Like a Woman (Accidental Books). A man who is not entirely invested in a relationship is always looking for an exit, making him vulnerable to the temptations of infidelity.
“If some woman finds him attractive and busts a little move toward him, he may go for it because he wants out, whether he knows it or not,” she says. People often don’t leave without somebody else lined up.
9. He’s not hanging out with you as much.
You’re watching TV; he’s on the computer. You go to bed; he stays up late. Sound familiar? You’re in the same house but not really together.
“If a guy is organizing his life to spend less time with his partner, it doesn’t really matter whether he has met someone,” Malkin says. Such behavior signals a distance that’s “always a breeding ground for infidelity.”
10. Or he’s more attentive to you.
A sudden shower of gifts, flowers, jewelry — and it’s not your birthday. Nice — or is it?
Maybe these are impulse buys because he’s a prince. It also could be a diversion or motivated by guilt. “If you’re happy, you won’t question him,” Dr. Leslie says. “Then, if he wants to go out with the guys,’” you’ll say OK. “But really he’s taking another girl out for a date,” she says.
Same goes if he’s suddenly calling and texting you frequently. Women believe that the more a man calls or texts, the less likely that he’s cheating.
But it’s actually a preemptive strike, Dr. Leslie says. “All it means is that he’s giving you enough contact for you to believe he couldn’t possibly be with another woman.”
11. He stops cuddling in bed.
Perhaps he doesn’t spoon you anymore. Or he comes to bed dressed for Antarctica when he once slept nude.
“Those are all ways of disconnecting and saying, I’m unavailable,” says Dr. Leslie.
12. His computer habits have changed.
“Check your computer’s browser history once in a while to see where he’s been,” advises Dr. Leslie. “That’s how my girlfriend found out her husband was cheating.”
He was supposed to be looking for a job, but he was on dating sites instead, she says.
Another red flag: Separate, secret email accounts.
“The guy checks his mail and forgets to close the window of this different account,” Batshaw says. “You can see emails to someone you don’t know” and then his cheating becomes obvious.
A separate email account doesn’t necessarily scream, Affair! But your husband is probably keeping something from you, he says.
13. His cell phone habits have changed.
Two more red flags, according to relationship experts: a new “business” cell phone and more private texting and calls.
Many men think, What’s the best way for me to hide this from my wife?
“A cell phone that she can’t access with a pass-code lock because it has –‘sensitive business’ stuff on it,” Batshaw says.
Even without a new phone, his calling and texting patterns may have changed. Perhaps your husband now keeps his cell phone in his pocket when he once dropped it on the counter.
Maybe he used to make calls and send texts while you were around. Now? He excuses himself each time the phone beeps.
Another suspicious sign: He’s purposefully vague about people he’s communicating with or shrugs it off as “work,” Batshaw says.
14. He has a “new drink.”
A switch from Manhattans to martinis could just be a desire to get out of a cocktail rut. Or it might be a new habit picked up from another woman, says Dr. Leslie.
“It’s part of their ritual, something sexy that they’ve been doing with the other person.” Now they’re bringing it home, she says.
15 He has no sense of guilt.
Men who don’t feel remorse or guilt when they do something wrong are prime candidates for cheating, Lin explains.